Your Ultimate Guide To Engagement Ring Etiquette
Getting engaged is a monumental life event filled with excitement, romance, and, let’s be honest, quite a few questions! The engagement ring - a timeless symbol of love and commitment - often takes centre stage. But with it comes a host of etiquette dilemmas: Who chooses the ring? How much should you spend? And what do you do if you don’t like it? Don’t worry – we’ve got you covered with answers to some of the most common engagement ring etiquette FAQs.
What is the tradition behind engagement rings?
The tradition of engagement rings dates back centuries. Ancient Romans were among the first to exchange rings as a symbol of commitment, and diamonds gained popularity in the 15th century when Archduke Maximilian of Austria proposed to Mary of Burgundy with a diamond ring. Today, people don’t always opt for diamond engagement rings but other gemstones too.
Who buys the engagement ring?
Traditionally, the person proposing purchases the engagement ring as a surprise. However, many couples opt for a more collaborative approach in today's world. According to a 2024 survey by jeweller Taylor & Hart, over 75% of couples now shop for the engagement ring together, ensuring it’s the perfect fit and style.
If you’re going the traditional route, try to subtly gauge your partner’s preferences or enlist the help of their close friends or family members for guidance.
How much should you spend on an engagement ring?
Ah, the age-old question! You’ve probably heard the two or three months’ salary rule, but let’s set the record straight: this is a marketing myth. This concept originated as a marketing strategy in the mid-20th century, primarily driven by diamond company De Beers following the Great Depression, which promoted the idea to boost diamond sales. The campaign aimed to equate the cost of the ring with the depth of one’s love and commitment.
According to a recent survey by Hitched.co.uk, the average UK spend on an engagement ring is around £2,000. That said, another study, from jeweller Queensmith, estimated that the average spend for an engagement ring in 2023 was £6,500!
As these figures show us, there is really no right or wrong amount. Let’s set the record straight - the amount you spend on an engagement ring should reflect your budget and financial priorities as a couple.
Some couples may prefer to save for a house deposit or wedding expenses instead. Ultimately, it’s about finding a ring that feels meaningful, not just expensive.
Should I surprise my partner with an engagement ring?
This depends on the couple. Some people love the romance of a surprise proposal, complete with a sparkling ring. Others prefer to choose the ring together to ensure it matches their taste and lifestyle. If you’re planning a surprise, consider proposing with a “placeholder” ring or even no ring at all, giving your partner the chance to pick out their dream design afterwards. This approach can take the pressure off and make the proposal itself the main event.
I don’t like the engagement ring! What happens now?
This can be tricky to navigate, but honesty is usually the best policy. If the ring isn't to your taste, approach the topic gently. A good starting point might be: "I love the thought and effort you've put into this, but I wonder if we could look at a design that feels more 'me'?"
Many jewellers allow exchanges or customisations, so you can tweak the design to better suit your style. Remember, the ring symbolises your lifelong partnership, so you must feel happy wearing it daily.
Do engagement rings have to include diamonds?
Not at all! While diamonds are classic, many modern couples choose alternative gemstones like emeralds, sapphires or moissanite, a sparkling and more affordable diamond alternative.
Coloured stones can add a personal touch, reflecting the wearer’s birthstone, favourite colour, or sentimental significance. In the UK, the rise in demand for unique engagement rings has also seen an increase in vintage and sustainable options, offering both character and eco-conscious appeal.
Can I design my engagement ring?
Yes, you can! Designing your own engagement ring offers a personalised, unique piece that reflects your style and love story. You control the design, materials, and budget, ensuring it’s truly one-of-a-kind. It’s a meaningful, creative experience that results in a ring with sentimental value and a deeper connection to your relationship.
You can find out more in our blogs: How to design your own engagement ring and The benefits of bespoke engagement rings.
Is it okay to wear the engagement ring on a different finger or hand?
Absolutely! While UK tradition suggests wearing the engagement ring on the ring finger of your left hand, you can wear it wherever feels most comfortable or meaningful to you. Some people switch fingers due to comfort, practicality, or cultural reasons.
In some other countries, the engagement ring is worn on the ring finger of the right hand – but it is your choice!
What happens if the ring doesn’t fit?
Don’t panic! Most jewellers offer resizing services, often free of charge if you’ve purchased the ring from them. Make sure to check the jeweller’s policy before buying.
If resizing isn’t possible – for example, with some eternity rings or intricate designs – you may need to exchange the ring. To avoid disappointment, keep the receipt and enquire about the store’s exchange policy when purchasing.
Can an engagement ring be returned or exchanged?
Yes, most jewellers allow returns or exchanges within a specified timeframe, as long as the ring is unworn and in its original condition. However, bespoke or customised designs may not be eligible for returns, so always check the jeweller’s policy before purchasing – and make sure you keep all the original paperwork.
What are the alternatives to traditional engagement rings?
If rings aren’t your thing, there are plenty of alternatives to engagement rings that you can consider. Some couples exchange bracelets, necklaces, or even watches to symbolise their commitment.
Tattooed bands are also popular, offering a permanent and unique take on the tradition. Remember, there's no "one-size-fits-all" approach to engagements – the most important thing is that it feels meaningful to you.
Can both partners wear engagement rings?
Traditionally, only the person being proposed to wears an engagement ring, but this is changing. Some couples choose “male engagement rings” or matching bands to celebrate their mutual commitment. If you’d like to buck tradition, discuss this openly with your partner to decide what works best for you both.
What happens to the ring if the engagement is called off?
This is one of the thornier aspects of engagement ring etiquette. Legally, engagement rings in the UK are typically considered a “gift,” meaning the recipient isn’t obligated to return it if the engagement is called off.
However, some may feel it’s the right thing to do, depending on the circumstances – for example, if the ring is a family heirloom. Having an honest conversation about expectations before the engagement can help avoid misunderstandings later on.
When can I start wearing the engagement ring?
Traditionally, you begin wearing the ring as soon as you say “Yes!”. However, there are no hard rules. Some couples will throw an engagement party and start wearing their ring then.
Others choose to wear the ring only on special occasions, especially if it's valuable or fragile. For example, if you work with your hands or participate in activities that could damage the ring, you might prefer to keep it safe at home or opt for a silicone band as a substitute.
Our blog: Choosing an engagement ring to fit your lifestyle and work covers this in more depth.
Can I upgrade or change the engagement ring at a later date?
Absolutely! Upgrading an engagement ring is common, often marking milestone anniversaries or life events. You could opt for a larger stone, a new setting, or additional embellishments like a halo of diamonds.
However, discuss this decision with your partner; some may feel sentimental about the original ring.
What do you do with the engagement ring during the wedding ceremony?
In many countries, the engagement ring is typically worn on the ring finger of the left hand, with women traditionally wearing their engagement ring ‘above’ the wedding ring – i.e. the wedding ring is placed on the finger first. This practice stems from an old British superstition suggesting that a wedding ring should never be removed once placed on the finger.
On the big day, many people temporarily switch the engagement ring to their right hand to make room for the wedding ring, moving it back afterwards. Or you could incorporate the engagement ring into your wedding ceremony by wearing it on a chain or having it blessed alongside the wedding rings.
Remember…
Engagement ring etiquette is less about rigid rules and more about what works for you and your partner. Communication is key whether you're debating the budget, choosing the design, or deciding how to wear it.
At the end of the day, the ring is just a symbol – the real treasure is the love and partnership it represents.
Finally, remember engagement ring insurance to protect your jewellery against unforeseen events such as loss, theft, or damage to your ring. Given the significant monetary and sentimental value of engagement rings, having appropriate insurance ensures peace of mind.
